I’ve had tinder for a while, usually its a fun game whenever I go somewhere to see who’s who in the area. I did not expect to find someone so incredible and nice while using the app. I’ve got a couple a horror stories which include, but aren’t limited to, kissing a stranger on the fourth of July in the middle of Austin, TX and getting appropriate photos sent to me at my sisters college graduation. But the universe and online dating has surprised me this time!
The thing I was most worried about was the cultural differences, the online dating scene in America is based on hookups and complimenting each other until you both mutually ghost. Were men in Denmark going to send me compliments on my body until I slept with them? Were they going to have different standards of beauty than those in America? Were women in Denmark mostly closeted? What was the standard for queer flirting? I decided that I didn’t know until I tried and dove right in.
Ghosting (verb): When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they’re dating, with zero warning or notice before hand. You’ll mostly see them avoiding friend’s phone calls, social media, and avoiding them in public.
The first thing I noticed was that everyone’s bio was in Danish-obviously. So if I really wanted to know what it said, I had to screenshot it and feed it through google translate; or just swipe without knowing. (I mostly did the latter)
The first person to message me asked about taiyaki, a Japanese fish shaped dessert. (I have a photo of me kissing a taiyaki in my profile)
He asked if it was good as he had never had it. I said yes, which was the truth, I waited three hours in line to get that taiyaki when the shop opened in Boston. That sprung a conversation about the kinds of shops you could get the treat and if there were any in Copenhagen. He has lived here his whole life and knew just about everywhere you could get them. He then asked me if I wanted to go to a shop with him that might have them. I would do pretty much anything for a good taiyaki, I agreed. He was cute too, no harm no foul right?
I took all the necessary and usual precautions: meet in a public place, don’t tell them any personal information, let someone know where you’re going, ect.
Turns out that he is a great guy, I’ve gone out with him much more since then. He met my host family and my roommate (who made him dinner), I told my parents at home about him- the whole nine. I’m having a great time so far with him.
My friends back home have told me that they’ve never seen me happier and that, from what I’ve told them, he treats me like I’m supposed to be treated and more.
I believe heavily in fate, in things happening for a reason. Last summer I applied to go on a trip to Iceland to study the geology of the island. 13 people applied and I ended up doing a course on German and Austrian modernism in NYC instead. If I had gone to Iceland I would not have come to Denmark and therefore would never have met this man. With the way I’m feeling right now, I think it was meant to be that I am here experiencing this right now. I have very insidious anxiety; it creeps its way into every aspect of my life, especially dating. I took an enormous gamble against it when I met up with this (then) stranger. When I’m around him, I don’t feel so afraid.